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Show Up or Give Up?

4:30am

The alarm goes off on my beat up Iphone. For one minute I lay still in the bed. I’m doing a check on how I’m feeling as I’m laying there. I am tired as hell. I went to bed at ten thirty last night, that’s six hours of sleep. I would prefer to have eight, but those hours in the evening are so precious. Hanging in the sofa with my wife. Watching a movie, talking about life. For a moment I have a wave of doubt coming over me. What the hell am I doing? Am I going to get up at four thirty in the morrning, meditate, write in my rapid diary and then write a blog article that no one reads. Why?

The kind of doubt I’m feeling is the kind that could make me change things completely. I recognize it. This is the type of doubt that made me quit the soccer team when I was ten, or martial arts when I was eighteen. This is the part of me that makes me quit just as I’m about to get that promotion that I know is coming. I’m a quitter and a procrastinator. I find excuses to quit something that I’m doing just to do nothing instead. After a couple of weeks of doing nothing I will start to get bored. I might just buy some cigarettes at the gas station so that I can have one after breakfast to the coffee.

I’m not planning to become a smoker again, am I? Deep down inside I know I am!

4:31am

The door to the bedroom opens. It’s my eight year old daughter who wants to sleep next to mummy and daddy. I make room for her in my bed and I put my arms around her. She instantly falls asleep in my arms. Now where were I? Oh yeah! I was thinking about starting smoking again…

I smell the hair of my daughter for a minute or two. I’m doing this for her. I remember when I stopped the cigarettes this time. It was a promise to my daughter.

4:35am

I’m meditating

4:55am

I’m writing my rapid diary

5:00am

I’m writing this article, then I’ll be making breakfast for my kids. Finally I will be going to the gym. Today it’s chest day.

I’m a winner, not a quitter!

I’m Rocky Balboa, nothing can stop me! Tomorrow I will be a little bit healthier and a little bit better than today. I’m on the road of constant improvement. Try to stop me, I dare you!

//B

PS. I’m giving myself one year to kick bad habits and routines. I’m trying to replace those bad habits with new healthier alternatives by studying successful people. I sold everything and moved to a tropical island Read more on my “Now” page.

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